2008-Sep-25 - Hit it, and be Gone!

One of my all time favorites on YouTube is Skyy John.  His most recent "video on the streets" was based around Booty Calls.  What constitutes as as one, how do you know when you are one, etc.  It got me to thinking on this phenomenon.  More and more often, singles are hanging up the towel on possibilities of real romance to satisfy highly sexed libidos.  It can be liberating, and even more so efficient to get down with another hot body every so often and go your separate ways rather than make a relationship work.  Why is this?



A grown up partnership takes time, effort, and can drive us to the point of complete insanity.  But then our Beloved will do things that remind us why we love them to begin with and how we stay together.  "Booty call", "Hit and Run", whatever color you want to paint it or name you want to give it, it is still emotional detachment.  Sure, I think when you're younger and carry a certain level of immaturity, this may be the right road for you.  The only person you answer to is yourself.  You call the shots, make the rules (upon an agreeance of terms with your hookup mate of course), you are never "tied down" and restricted to a lifestyle of boring monogamy.



A couple years back, I made the unwise decision to have a one night stand (not a booty call, but could have grown in that stature if I had allowed it to).  I wasn't at all interested in this guy past an awkward acquaintance/friend ordeal, he literally was, as ugly as it sounds, an "experiment".  He had spoken to mutual friends of his desire in going out on an official date with me.  What can I say, I was bored and thought, what the hell (see how our twenties can make us so ignorant at times)?!


We appropriately met at a somewhat popular dive bar and mustered substantial conversation over a couple rounds of beer.  An hour or so later, we transitioned to another bar location to add pool to the mix and endured some bad karaoke stylings of the native locals.  After what most would prevail as a part of the "getting to know one another" stage, I followed him in my car to his place.  He nonchalantly gave the grand tour of his new diggs (little to no furniture), and he subtly got the point by my lack of awe in our surroundings and anything left he had to say at that point.



So, without question, the deed was done and I couldn't wait to get the hell out (sounds cold doesn't it)?  The intuition of mine came about knowing full well that he had hoped there was equal satisfaction on my part, but for the first time in my life, I really did not care about going forward.  He called persistently for a while after that, and I let the poor guy find himself just another sad addition to my voicemail that never gets returned.  So, he wasn't a booty call, per say for the technicality that it was once and then done forever, but I grasp the concept and got a feel for what it is like.


Unemotional connections; not for me.  I can not sleep with another guy for the soul reasoning of achieving orgasm (most guys can't accomplish the feat anyway, ha)!  It is much more satisfying and fulfilling sharing my body with one person, and one person only, in a strictly monogamous partnership.  Skyy goes on about knowing when you are a booty call (if you have to ask, you shouldn't be in a relationship anyway), and my personal favorite, what you should do when your caller wants to quit the games and make things serious and official.  Yikes!


I was speaking with my younger sister on the subject, and we came to an agreement that YOU NEVER DATE YOUR BOOTY CALL, EVER!  The entire point that they are just sex to begin with usually revolves around the point that they are not even close to being an ideal candidate for a boyfriend/girlfriend, the sex just happens to be really good.  Sure, there is a minority out there that build wonderful couples from this empty lifestyle, but commonly, it is just sex and then the splits.  Who wants to hang around a box of rocks when the only things they have to offer is great stamina in the sack?  I sure as hell wouldn't strive for more between the sheets.  You're a notch on the post for good reason, don't make an easy opposition become a trying feat of "where is this going"?



So, give me your take on Booty Calls.  

Have you ever had, or have one now? 

What guidelines do you follow?

Would you think of dating them down the road?

We're all friends here

2008-Aug-5 - The only way to bring on a Change, is to allow the Change.

Forgiveness.

For some, it's an action so easily applied, for others, they'd rather be firm with the decision they made and never look back.  I can see how certain instances make that a reasonable route to go, but a lot of the time, we simply let our ego's get the best of us and react on feelings in the moment rather than logically weighing the pros and cons first.

Since the dawn of personal choices for my own path, I can easily look back upon mediocre fights and arguments, knowing full well that I could have been far more lenient than the punishments and attitudes I dished out.  When we allow  ourselves to see the world under a huge microscope, everything is a big deal! 

Each time we burn bridges, cut friends or family out of our lives, refuse to bend at all,  we're releasing our angers aloud and willingly letting the pain and saddness inside.  And there it will stay; the longer we hold onto the dream of needing to be in the right, the further we bring ourselves down and emotionally drained of a good spirit, which eventually will kick us down physically on top of everything else.

I've tired of the festering pains, self doubt, and far to reach expectations.  We're only human, and while we most certainly are capable of doing many wonderful things, it is only inevitable that we have our imperfections to equal out the balance.  

There have been a few men in my life that have done me quite wrong, actions that the most sane person would shudder at and refuse acceptance to move on.  I, on the other hand, have chosen to open my heart and not only see each misfortune as a lesson learned, I have completely pardoned their neglect.

We are all similar to each other in a variety of forms, but our differences make us real.  It's easier to hate the bad we know, it's easier to walk away and press on hoping that we don't repeat ourselves with the next one. 

But what if maybe, just maybe we can step outside the picture and walk in someone elses' shoes to see objectively?  What if we welcomed less than absolute excellence from the ones in our lives so we can learn from each other?

Some of my family and friends may not understand my new open arms approach, but I am much happier for choosing to do so.  I more than surely believe in a persons' strive to acknowledge and change their behaviors. 

It can sometimes take the most outrageous circumstances for us to see how wrong we can actually be to turn it all around.  Every single person we encounter in our lifetime serves a special purpose in our journey. 

It could be anything from a boyfriend or girlfriend who takes advantage of our hospitality to teach us that not every soul can be kind and thankful, to the complete stranger who stopped to help and assist our flat tire on the freeway to remind us that despite feeling so, there are countless acts of generosity still occurring everyday to help make the tougher days easier to endure.

I'm sharing this in the hopes that I can maybe open your views of the ones in your lives, and just rest your hearts a bit.  If we can just make the time to breathe and focus on what we are learning, if we can master the art of unequivocal compassion, our existence will be so much more gratifying than we would ever hope it could be, and others will follow in our example.

Be the good; the rewards are plentiful!

2008-Aug-1 - He's talking in Movie Mode again. I'm listening with my SnoCaps and buttered popcorn.

So there I was, sitting at the park with company, engaged in full and inviting conversation, while my daughter trampled the grounds with other children at play. Being around a toddler for so much time, a person can become slightly jaded when the opportunity to talk one on one with another adult comes about. I'm reminded that I do have a social life outside of being a parent, and it's wonderful.



Anyway, we're ranting on about the movies we've seen, want to see, jobs, friends, the whole nine yards. I had to catch myself in the excitement so I wouldn't appear overly eager as if I hadn't had decent banter for some time (I have, but with guys, it's rare). He rambles onto a tale of a bad experience he encountered with a car of his. From having my own share of unwanted vehicular misfortune, this was a topic I could more than relate to. As his story developed, he reached a pivotal moment and the dialogue became sound infested.



Bingo. I'm instantly awarded my next article idea without trying to seek one out; communication differences between men and women.  Now it's not new news that males and females describe stories in completely opposites ways, I know this, but we don't often fester on the moment when it happens. We notice, and quickly move to the next thing we have to say.



It's online, in books, spoken by psychologists, and been proven as fact a million times over that men aren't open talkers when it comes to sharing feelings and problems like women are.  One thing they do have one up on us is, they love to animate their chitchat with cartoon effect. When a guy is raving about a fight he witnessed, a car crash, etc, it is in his d.n.a to include his own recreation of how everything had sounded at that moment of time, kind of like this guy impersonating a train: 

Guy on Subway

For me, it's almost live television. I become engrossed in the words, their attention to detail, and their fanaticism in making sure that I'm as wrapped up in their convo as they are.  Repartee has more life and character to it when we can re-enact our personal moments with noises.  The humor in this, is that when women go on about lets say, engine trouble, we focus on expressing our anger and frustration by complaints, rolling eyes, and maybe clenched fists hoisted in the air.  Guys will discuss their engine troubles by mimicking the sounds that emanated from under the hood for a more thorough approach, get it?

Maybe it's set in the x/y genetics that separates a mans' approach to storytelling from the rest of us?  Maybe it's growing up in a world dominated by technological advances, who knows?!  My awareness is set on the dependability that if I am in dire need of a laugh or run into trouble where I need to explain to my mechanic the issues I'm having, I'm calling up one of my guys to stand in and 'perform'.  Wouldn't it help all of us to have someone like this famous guy as a go to friend:

Mike Winslow

2008-Jul-30 - There's only one way to have a happy marriage. As soon as I learn what it is, I'll do it again.

My guy friends and I were at one point, pretty tight knit, a second family if you will. We'd gather under one roof for a music and poker night, tackle each other in our own inventive ways in a rousing game of basketball, record our infamous blunders and naive experiences on video to laugh and ridicule each other over later, you name it. While we've managed to keep hold of our friendships while growing into our own separate lives, occasionally I look back and long for the bond we had back as seniors in high school. One thing in particular we shared was a love of sitcoms, and the one that all of us were crazy for was Friends.



To this day I'm watching their reruns as I do with most of my favorites that ended sooner than I anticipated. Certain episodes stick out in my memory, one of which was about each of them deciding who in the gang they wanted to partner up with as a 'backup choice' in case by a certain age they were still single.  I never turned to my boys for this safety net as they feel like brothers to me, but watching that inventive idea unfold before my very eyes, I pondered over my current situation and immediately took action.



A guy a few years older than me that I met over the internet and created a close bond with was my first choice as the runner up in my love life in case I was still flying solo in my late 20's or early 30's. He was pretty into the pact, seeing as how well we clicked in personality (and he was good on the eyes to boot). He escorted me to a friends wedding a few years ago, and reaffirmed my decision to hold onto that catch if need be. As most people do, we drifted apart due to relocating and undergoing life altering experiences. He's now very happily involved with another woman, and has been for a few years now. There goes my get out of jail free card; damn.




So goes the years, fleeting by before me faster than my younger ones ever did! In a few months, I will be 24, and not much to show for it. The best part of my life is my daughter. A replica of myself in every way which brings dire annoyances to us both, but equally amazing with each passing moment we share together. I'm in a cute apartment parked on a hillside over looking downtown Olympia, one of the best cities in this country. I work with a great company who works around my needs for once, and whom I don't feel weighed down by. Writing has never been easier for me than it has been these days thanks to self preservation, and learning how to just let the stories come out rather than forcing a good read for an appreciative audience.




Not being a wife anymore isn't as horrific as I convinced myself it would be before I braved getting divorced back in 2006. Back then I thought 'who is going to stick around with someone who has already been married once and started a family'? A lot of guys really aren't running for the hills when my past comes up like I assumed. Maybe there is still hope for me yet, 24 is still very young...I just got to thinking about the back up plan a few minutes ago and wanted to share the insight to see if others have gone the same route or have also contemplated the option for themselves as well. I may have lost one guy to the Lovebug, but I know there's plenty more of lost puppies in the mix, and maybe one day I will wrestle myself up a new find for safe keeping. I'm too awesome to not be someones' Mrs....eventually. Crossing my fingers and a shitload of affirmations can only help right?.....




Like me, are you a "Man with a Plan"?

2008-Jul-22 - He may know how to check the oil, but a real man can tweak my engine.

One of my favorite sites online is AskMen.com. Now why in the hell would I be going there? Female perspective can be clouded by emotion and cruel judgement when it comes to dating dilemnas, and I can always expect to find a straightforward, fresh outlook, right out of the horses mouth there. Checking in moments ago, I found a new posting by Thomas Bey entitled 'Best Jobs to Impress Women'. Yeah, I'm there and filtering through his take on employment catnip to the opposite sex, either in full agreement or utter disbelief and opposed to. Not only does this guy offer mini summarized data, he even throws in a small suggestion on how to 'fake' the job you want the woman to believe that you have but in all reality, don't. I'm here to affirm my thoughts on the matter.



The first job listed is a Chef. Boy does this guy have his head on straight! I would kill for a guy who not only knows his way around a kitchen, but he also knows how to cook in it as well! Most males direct themselves to the freezer for a rapid micro entree, or their idea of treating their lady to a fancy dinner in, is a fast call to the nearest chinese takeout (don't get me wrong, I love chinese, but a little effort now and then even if burnt is nicely appreciated). There's something about a man who feels so passionately for food that he's always got a new morsel on the table. As an amorous fan of a variety of grub, I took a deep liking to Gordon Ramsey and his Kitchen Nightmares and Hells Kitchen series. Never have I witnessed a more driven, vulgar, tasty bloke than he when it comes to my culinary desires! In my eyes, there's no faking this skill, you either got it, or you don't. Period.




Next up is the old school Entrepreneur. Now these guys come in all shapes, sizes, and walks of life. It could be the innocent faced 21 year old car salesman that's on top of you the moment you hit the lot, the 40 year old stock broker who's always seen on a cell phone in full blown argument about an upcoming deadline, or the average joe kissing ass all the way up the chain of command at the infamous world of McDonald's. They're hard workers, devoted employees, and determined like no other to make their mark somewhere in this world. Unfortunately, some can take it to the extreme and come off as nothing but arrogant, smug, and downright rude to anyone they feel 'beneath them'. I'm all about a guy pumped up to be nothing shy of a mans' man, but some really CAN and DO fake this position by talking himself up 24/7 at anyone within earshot. Not very charming in my book.





The red blooded American Military Man. These soldiers have an incredible devout following. They have bumper stickers, clothing lines, and daytime series supporting their every move. Give it up for the guys doing it for Uncle Sam! My dad is a true believer that both sexes should serve at least a year to 'prove their worth' for the luxuries that we have today. You couldn't convince me to take that step unless my life actually depended on it. Neither would I ever go for a man who would, or is. Hey, I think it's wonderful that men want to use some big guns and go fight off the bad guys because somebody has to do it, and there are literally millions of women who see these camo studded gents as a complete aphrodisiac through the hypnotized need to feel rescued and protected, but what I see is a guy who's never home and always putting the devotion to his country first. I can more than easily live without that emptiness in my life.




Doctors are hot. Saving lives, quick on their feet, the money isn't half bad...but you know what other doc gets overlooked too often; the Veterinarian. Animals are always on the mark when sniffing out a good person, and vets have the magical touch to support that theory. They work just as hard, if not harder than "real m.d's", but make far less than McDreamy ever could. Why is that? Pets are just as important members to the family as our brothers and sisters, and who wouldn't go for the cute and shy Dr. Dolittle at the nearest animal hospital? I've seen a lot, A LOT of men who think dogs 'are cool', or 'too annoying and costly to upkeep'. Vets think nothing of the sort. They see emotion and importance to our crazy critters and push to keep them healthy, strong, and around for a long time to come because why; they just care more than the average bear.




A blazing inferno will have everyone running far, far away to the regions of safe keeping, but Firemen are on the move towards the flame instead. It's a dangerous job, but somebody's got to do it, so who else but the men (and women) brave enough to heed the heat. Back in high school, I enrolled in the new market firefighter/emt course to get what all the commotion was about. Yes, there were a few lookers, a few that were REALLY into the profession, and there were the others like me who had no chance in ever donning the flame resistant suit, but we gave our best go at it anyway. When it reached the time where the instructor gave chops to either 'stay if this is your life path or go home' speech, I was out the door and giving criminal justice a shot. That never panned out either, but experiencing the work that it takes to save lives as a true firefighter, I can definitely see why many women find these guys so lovable.




Being a passenger in a plane is nerve wracking enough for me, but I bet my stresses are little in comparison to the ol' Pilot who's actually steering the big bird in the sky. Long hours, a gazillion stamps in his passport, this one is off, off, off and away with the responsibility of the many lives on board who are coming and going. We know that 'someone' is behind the curtain up front who's making our journey possible, but like most things unseen, out of sight, out of mind. I know that when I board a plane, I tend to forget the fact that I'm not just magically reaching my destination by clicking my heels together and poof, hello new city! Only by a verbal intercom reminder to turn off phones and strap on my safety belt does it dawn on me that hey, yeah, there is a guy driving this thing thousands of feet in the air and I hope we don't crash! Big commercial liners are great and all, but I think a pilot with his own private wings for weekend getaways is higher on the coolness scale.




We snap pictures of ourselves, our friends, our family, many of us have become our own little wannabe visual artists to post online for our MySpace or Facebook for gratification of flattering commentary. It's hard to meet someone who doesn't have a digital camera always on hand for the chance of a perfect photo op. Then there are those whom can actually be deemed as professionals. They have a mesmerizing portfolio, years of experience, and the uncanny ability to always take the simplest item and blow it up to a masterpiece. They see things a little differently than most of us do, like finding the beauty in EVERYTHING. I can see the appeal, but a lot tend to be picky and have that whole emotionally distraught and misunderstood vibe going for them. They're great to have around on a vacation, a family portrait, or a wedding to catch the wild lot of single bridesmaids duking it out during the bouquet toss, but their title doesn't necessarily have me drooling at the mouth. Too many people consider themselves photographers and don't really have the evidence to back it up. In my mind, it's another case of a profession that's a dime a dozen.





In closing, Bey made a perfect example of other jobs out there that never seem to drive the women in by the hundreds. Garbage men, tower dogs, and fisherman won't get the same wrap that a cop or celebrity actor would, but they're jobs that have to be done. If you're happy with what you do, then by all means go for the gold. There's a woman out there for every septic cleaner or every other undesirable job being had, no matter what statistics try to prove!

2008-Jul-21 - Why so surprised; I catch Liars in my sleep!

Oh the glorious abilities the human species can assemble! Be it Esp or other magical forms of craftiness, every once in a while, I amaze myself with the tricks up my sleeve that sometimes get lost in the fog of every day chaos. Can I really be so lucky to embrace such gifts, or will they only end up causing me harm later down the road? When I take the time to sit down with some one on one with my dependable PC to list these qualities, both familiar past ruins AND fond results come to mind.



Take for example my expanded 'memory box'. While I am most certainly not the only one to recall their best days in kindergarten or have clear recognition of a face I haven't seen in years, I give myself a little credit that I can be better at remembering more than most. Back in my early younger days, my family had a subaru wagon that is still freshly painted inside my mental photobook. Yeah, lots of people can recollect an old cars' exterior, but I can recall the smell. One good whiff of any road monster with similar odor, and I'm back in the summer of 1994 sticking to a gray leather seat with old country tunes crooning from the car radio speakers.



Maybe we only met each other once with a duration period of a few minutes tops? Chances are if anything stuck out like a good joke or a hypnotizing set of eyes, we can separate for years only to cross paths in serendipity and you can bet you ass I will remember like it was yesterday.



Unfortunately, my good ol' memory can come back to haunt me just as easily as it can put sunshine in my cloudy day. Say I'm dating you for so many months, and just as many of us in the beginning soak up all the gushy things we do and say to each other, I take in all the stupid and insensitive remarks even more so.

You first told me you loved me at the local playground bearing a few wildflowers you plucked from some brush on your way over and you had a dirt smudge on your face. Without any hesitation, you gave me your coat to be saved from the downpour on our six month anniversary because you knew that I had taken forever to get ready.




But you know what else?...



I remember that day we were sitting down for a lunch at our favorite local joint and your eyes veered over to the waitress with a huge rack while I was trying to discuss the latest tiff with my boss. I remember you neglecting to lift a finger to help me muddle through chores the one time that I asked for help. You can have an accumulation of all the wonderful favors and prince charming ways that you've been there for me through the hard times that I somehow overlook, but your ignorance and insensitivity is never lost on me.



You hear all about womens' intuition, hell, many of us witness the act first hand on a daily basis. I am the master in sensing a bad seed. Think I'm full of it? I've been cheated on and lied to so many times that my boobs tingle when detecting a bad fib (no, not really. Would be nice though)!

 I have always been able to sniff out a wrong doer right from the get go. The first real boyfriend and love I had introduced me to all of his close friends, boys and girls. Everything was peachy until I met one specifically that for one reason or another  had my caution bells ringing off the hook. I don't know why, but things just didn't feel right. Three months later our courtship ended for his desire to continue building something more than with none other than you know who. I had suspicions that the last guy wasn't moving on from his Ex like he had professed to me over and over again. After some laziness on his part and a bit of detective work, he left a trail that inevitably left him caught in the act, completely dumbfounded,  and pissed at getting the boot.  Hey, I never ask 'em to stray, they just believe they can get one by me.




I am mad crazy at knowing these things, not one guy has been able to successfully deceive me yet, and if you're reading this now, take it as good warning!

2008-Jul-21 - You may be reading this at home, but I can smell you from here.

2008-Jul-19 - Haven't heard from my Bitch in 4-eva, call me u slut!

If it's one thing that I can not stand, it is improper grammar and spelling.  There's this little itch that needs scratching once I see pronouns such as "there/their" being used in the wrong form, or being referenced as "Dude" when last I checked, I am so obviously a woman!  An annoyed ringing goes off in my head, alerting me of another lazy and/or ignorant conversationalist. Maybe this stems from having discovered a knack and slight obsession with the English language back in the eighth grade?...

2008-Jul-9 - Down and Dirty in the Workplace

2008-Jul-1 - Yep, Romance is Dead

I bet there's a lot of people who know me well enough (even so through my articles) asking themselves, "gee, she's a really unhappy and bitter person, when is she going to just relax"? True, my frustrations get the best of me more often then they should, but I'm certain that self behavior is built upon outside influences in the same measure. 



It's lovely to believe in the idea that happiness can be self created and we don't need a special someone in our lives to feel complete and whole, but realistically speaking, that's not the case at all.  Can one honestly say that surviving an eternity until death without a true beloved at their side is easy as pie?  I know for sure that I can't.  I'm hopeful in real love that rings so loud, citizens of other countries can hear my overwhelming joy of happiness!

You know that time in your life between relationships when family and friends encourage and sometimes even shove you out into the world to meet others to get your mind off of your latest failed union?  It just so happens, that is the exact time when you're very much alone that everyone has a somebody; everyone but you that is.  It's the lovey dovey couple walking in opposite direction of you on your regular walking trail, the pregnant lady admiring her man hoisting their toddler onto his shoulders at the annual town fair, an overheard conversation from a man trying to decide upon which flowers would be best given to his Lady for their two year anniversary...enough already!




I'm all about everyone deserving their own form of a fairy tale ending, but it just doesn't seem to thrive in the days that it used to.  Take for example a beautiful classic I set aside time to watch alone so many months back; Dr Zhivago (recommendation inserted here).  Yes, I'd heard of it before, but once in catching one of my Cusack favorites, Must Love Dogs (I do sometimes stumble upon new and classic films within films), the title rang aloud again and I searched it out on my netflix and gave it a go.  There's passion that film makers captured long ago that certainly holds no weight to todays' standards, none even remarkably close.



Take for example, male behavior in romancing their love interest.  Little trinkets and gifts of appreciation, consistent 'I love you's' to the extent of obsession, a grandeur show of a man head over heels, and when does he halt at his actions?  When they've committed and settled into a relationship, most importantly one of familiar routine.  What is the point of pursuing and adoring a special person who's already willingly involved?  They took the bait, why the need to continue all of that gushy romantic crap?  Because it's what assisted building the love to begin with!



Women falter in this department just as easily as men; we take for granted that sexy wear is only needed once in a blue moon for 'special occasions', and lustful advances can be kept a minimum once we're wound down and nestled in a common station with our man.  The drive and desire has died in most of us, and for what reason?  Couldn't we make the attempt to hold the romantic trait in all of  us on a daily basis to spur on the spark that ignites the fire?  I'm ashamed that sex without deep feeling is favorable to the majority in todays' society while Creativity is a sad bystander left behind.



This is the fascination of why I write about romance and relationships as much as I do; I have yet to grasp the real thing myself.  Two people build an empire together, so if even one half of the equation is lazy or lacking on their part, the pairing doesn't stand a chance.  Divorce is on the rise, loneliness ranks above, and the confused party amongst myself is wondering what happened to the better outcome?  Why is suffering the popular trend? Should we really even try anymore?



While the my mind is saying give it up, you may only be twenty three, but what you're looking for can only come later in life when those will want the same things as you do, my heart cries out to grip the chances that not all is impossible and to just have a little faith.  Watching my parents muster through their own crumbling marriage broke away a part of me that to this day, still affects my own personal relationships.  This happens only because I allow it to, even though I believe their parting was the best to have occurred.  Fanatically glaring over complete strangers and close family and friends with their partners only adds to the depression of it all.



I talk a lot of angst and roll my eyes at those obviously happier with their love lives than I am, but I'm confident in saying that we all 'go a little mad sometimes' and discover on our own how to work through the pain.  How else do we end up a sweeter version of what we pine for to begin with?  Even cringing at the thought I won't result in my dream until well into my thirties (I know that it is young, but being 23, your thirties seem almost an ending to your youth), I'm taking into stride the opportunities that I'm handed.  I no longer bounce from one bad mistake to the other like I used to, my will just isn't as strong as it used to be.  I'm taking my time, patiently awaiting the stunning horizon ahead.

..

Maybe most fold their playing hand and lazily succumb to what they're dealt.  I can never be one of those particpants.  The only  way to blissfully achieving what you believe you deserve, is the ongoing conviction that it is coming to you one way or another, despite the circumstances that you reside in the present moment.  I'm putting it out there that yes, while I construe romance to be good and gone, a few of the romantic species may still be roaming out there.  If you are a half of a couple, never take for granted the love you have for each other and live each minute shared as it could be the last shared together.  In wrapping up this segment, I leave with you a favorite quote from a film dear to me that says much of what I'm trying to get across (only in fewer words):

2008-Jul-1 - The Top Bad Guys to Avoid Dating

Ladies, we've all been down that path where we were sure that the guy we gave our heart to was perfect in every way...until money always came up missing, strange phone calls from other women 'friends' would surface, he'd confess his love and be gone in the morning out of the blue the next, yada yada yada. We convince ourselves that one burn teaches us our lesson and we most certainly can keep it from happening again, yet somehow, it always does! I've been with a handful of misfits since I was a teenager, and I laugh at the ongoing attempt to get my personal life under control! For my radar to be a bit more mastered, I created a long list of potential not-a-chance pickins' that I like to follow and heed when meeting new prospects. As I've dated a number of "winners" on this list, some, even a few of these misters rolled into one, it's highly recommended that you carefully note each of these men for their traits, and learn the signs to avoid future flops of your own.


Mr. Happy Pants - the infamous cheater



Most women at some point will meet this remarkable character, and by remarkable, I'm meaning it's an achievement he gets clothed at all due to his excessive desire to always be running loose like an uncaged zoo animal dying to spread his man juice to any woman willing to give it up! Unfortunately for us, sometimes this little devil is a bad mistake disguised as every womans fantasy. He can be so incredibly charming, of course it's easy not to see through the fog of his obvious indiscretions and disregard of women being nothing more than a warm body to fulfill his sexual urges. Steer clear of this Romeo if he's caught in the act, or there's even the slightest notion you believe he is tramping around on you.


Mr. Ego - by being so in love with himself, there's no room for you



Move over sister! There's only room for two at this table; your guy and his oversized noggin. Being one part of a couple is a hard lesson for this one to be taught, as he sees that it's pretty much impossible for anyone to match up with his greatness as it is! He's got the perfect job, killer looks, a posse that deems him the Ladies man of the pack, and a bounty of other wonderful lucky charms that has his mojo going at full speed. Oh sure, you can catch his interest by feeding into his self loving ways and he'll adore you for it! However, once you start to notice how one sided this jerk really is, by his neglecting to return your loving admiration, and how little he cares that you even matter, you'll only feel like a fool for being the bystander to this one man show and be just another peanut in his gallery of blinded followers.


Mr. Big - the one afraid of committment



Oh, if it wasn't for Sex and the City, this guy would be a recurring roleplayer in my love life! He has the suaveness of James Bond with the face and body to match. Wine and dining, a little mystery, the perfect words that keep you hanging on for more...damn he's good at being, well, Big! Yes, the progression of the relationship moves forward, but always at a slow pace to his liking, and it's a shame he will keep you on edge for as long as you allow him to. Maybe in the movie, this stallion was tamed, but you do remember that it took him a decade to come around right? And not only that, it was just a movie, and most free birds like Big stay on the green pastures away from being roped into anything permanent, EVER. If you're dating the guy who manages to have an excuse to never build onto a future with you, send him packing and go find find a real man.


Mr. Sensitive - emotional to the extent sometimes it's hard to believe he isn't a girl himself



It can be nice to sit down and watch a movie that brings out the softee in all of us. It's wonderful, as women, to be in touch with our emotions and happily share our sobs to our Man so he can kiss our boo boos and make'em all better. But what happens when he's the one getting a little too girly that he makes you look like one tough cookie? In the beginning of courtship, we can be so glad to finally meet a guy who gets it and isn't afraid to be open about his feelings, that it's seen as endearing and 'cute' behavior. Out of nowhere, he's the one shedding tears out of fear of rejection, persistently wanting reassurance that you're happy with him, calling you a hundred times while your at work just because he needs to hear your voice one more time before he sees you again later that night. His sensitivity is overwhelming, and gets old real fast! There's no wrong in a guy bearing his sweeter side, but in good moderation and in a non femboy manner is best.


Mr. Fib - the liar who tells you how it is (well, what he believes you want it to be)



I would have called, but I wasn't near a phone. I was visiting my sick grandmother. I have no idea where your twenty bucks went. Any of these hit a little too close to home? Who needs honesty when you can be a good liar and get away with murder, right? After all, only nice guys finish last! This guy has the answers to all your dying to be solved mysteries, they're just never the right and truthful ones. It's calming to know that he's there for you...or is he? This guy will always appear to have the magic words to put your worried mind at ease, but little do you know that the reasons he headlines with are only being pulled right out of his ass. He knows it, and better yet, he's positive you're going to keep buying into his storytelling because you have yet to actually get a clue. If you find that this seemingly too good to be true, amazingly sweet guy has the mastery to an ongoing cop out of every problem you bring to light, chances are he's two faced and soaking up the glory that you blindly welcome his treachery.


Mr. ZipZip - keeps feelings, problems, concerns to himself



Guys are not commonly expected to open up as much and share what's on their mind when it comes to being in a serious relationship. In fact, this guy takes it to the extreme by never letting you in on any problems he's having with you because he wouldn't be a man if he had a softer side and shared his anguish aloud. This one is easy to spot when you're the one kicking off conversation to discuss where things are headed and he's drowning you out by the sunday night football he'd rather focus his ears and eyes on. You'll think maybe he's just not feeling like talking right now, until it's been over a handful of attempts to get him in tune only to realize this guy ain't budging an inch to verbalize important couple problems with you any time soon. He's going to expect you to handle all baggage to keep the relationship afloat because that's just the part of your union that the woman is supposed to handle.


Mr. EyeBaller - his attention wanders to you...and every other hottie in his line of vision



Wasn't it a thrill when that hunk of a man laid his eyes on you and made you feel on top of the world? Who believed someone so physically appealing actually existed, and better yet, noticed you right back? Sitting across from him at your regular table at his favorite local hangout, you're locking eyes and doing most of your sexy talk through visual communication....until his gaze happens to wander over to the cute new waitress taking orders at the table next to you. And the milf that comes strolling in with her three year old toddler. And the scandily clothed 21 year old sipping a latte in a booth around ten feet behind where you're sitting. Sure boys will be boys when comes to the matter of oggling the female species, it's in their dna to be drawn to all attractive specimens in plain sight. But when your man can't seem to retain his focus on you longer than five minutes because the stunning beauty of every other woman alive is too much for him to handle, there could be a problem tying this one down. It's the old case of there's always someone better for him to gawk at, as long as you're not putting a stop to this pig.


Mr. SourPuss - burned by his past relations, he's just sure that all women are bad news



She was a horrible girlfriend to him. He did everything right. He was in love, and she was sleeping with his best friend. Scorched by his old flame (or flames depending on how many did him wrong), this guy is convinced that every woman is a cheating whore. You feel his pain and profess that you would never be the type of woman he's used to falling for because you're different. Unfortunately with this one, you will always be paying the price for what the last girl did since he just can't move on from it. If you can hang in there through his continual accusations and pessimistic rants that most if not all women don't know how to keep there legs closed, more power to ya!


Mr. Blast For His Past - keeps his Ex (or Exes) on pedestals making it impossible for you to ever measure up



You're basking in a cozy cuddle session with this guy after a wild night of hot and steamy sex. After a few weeks of dating, you're smitten by how someone of such a catch could be single. Then his phone rings, the machine picks it up, and a sultry voice is calling out for your boy toy to come meet her at their usual spot for a cup of joe. You're bewildered at how forward she sounded, and watching him quickly run to pick up before she's gone puts you at an even more puzzled state. Turns out, that was his last lady love calling and they parted ways months ago on such good terms, they've continued pursuing a close friendship in leui of their break up. As you try not to let it get the best of you, he's so pleased at your acceptance with their bond, that shortly after that one incident, she starts to become a more and more frequent disrupter in your relationship with him. She will text cute messages that can only be deciphered from memories they share, you find racy photos of her stashed away in a special box he keeps under his bed, and his defenses ring on high when you hint that their "friendship" seems to be crossing a more personal boundary than he's letting on. These men love to have their prior girlfriends on the back burner to feed their ego and be within a moments reach when things with you head south. This guy will always have a spot in his life for his Ex, and that spot is a hard one to scrub away.

Mr. Hulk - aggressive, tempermental, and just down right mean

He is only upset if the dinner you cooked was a little dry. He only throws a fit if you're not putting out for the fifth time that day. He only calls you names like 'heffer' and pushes you around when he's really upset with you. What?!! This guys' short fuse and cruel demeanor is blatantly obvious, but you really want to believe that you can be the one to get through to his loving heart (it's in there right)?...A self esteem killer and jerk to the core, this loser will always make it his duty to keep you feeling like dirt and still pining for him in the process with fake apologies and 'sincere' affections. As long as he is hating his life and annoyed that he's getting nowhere fast, he's bringing you on the pity party train with him and making you the conductor of boosting his self adoration. This guy is only caring when he wants something out of you, physical or otherwise, you're just the trophy slave to his bad boy ways.


Mr. Rebound - preys on women fresh out of a break up



Another disappointment by another stupid guy. It's a good thing John Doe was there to pick up the pieces of your failed relationship. He's easy to cry your woes to, and the awesome sex you share has the ability to lift your spirits and make you forget all about ol' what's his name because this time, a real guy is actually listening to you. A few days later, you're waiting for his call, telling yourself that he's probably really busy with work to reach you. Another week goes by and no sign of prince charming yet. Didn't you two hit it off? You weren't that wasted when you met him, and he totally hung onto your every word when divulging the details of your recent bitter end with that mistake you dated up until recently. Somehow, it just doesn't hit home that you two could connected so easily, yet he's off somewhere else leaving you wondering if you built the whole crazy encounter inside your mind instead? No, it's just the typical bar hopper who scopes out the one girl too far gone to realize his game of targeting out the ones right out of a bad break up and into his bed. The only way to escape this guys grasp is to avoid public intoxication at any nearby party town in the midst of recent splitsville.


Mr. Midnight Cowboy - booty calling is his game



Casual sex can work for a lot of single people, unless you're single and looking for Mr. Right. Maybe this guy is an aquaintence you met through friends, or a smooth talking hipster you met last weekend while waiting for the bus. His plan always entails reaching you at oddball hours (usually late night at a moments notice) and making some excuse to dodge out before daylight breaks and be seen leaving your apartment. It isn't rocket science to know when this guy shows up in your life because mangling the sheets is the only activity you will find the two of you sharing.


Mr. Mamas Boy - with the cord still attached, this guy isn't letting go



You will know how good a man will be to you by how he treats his mother, so the saying goes. That is, unless he's 25, still living under mamas' roof and she's still doing his laundry. There's something to be said when a guy and his mother seem too close for comfort. He won't do anything that his mother won't approve of, they speak to each other on the phone every day, and he complains when you just can't be more like her! When a boy who calls himself a man is still "suckling the bosom" of his over protective, loud mouthed, warmingly affectionate mother, he's got no room for another lady in his life (unless you're willing to wipe his ass too)


.Mr. Short Change - this guy always leaves you footing the bill



Movie and dinner night, followed by a few drinks at a nearby watering hole. Did you happen to notice that when your guy casually states the fact that he's left his wallet (for the third time this week), there's no trace of embarassment on his face? That's because while you're shelling out the green for the both of you, he's enjoying the notion that you don't mind him always stiffing you with the bill because hey, you keep paying! Sure he's apologetic and promising to 'get the next one', but isn't it funny how it repeats itself anyway? A real man will happily pay for a great time with his woman the majority of the time, it's just the chivolrous thing to do. If you agree to dating a guy that never seems to have or offer a dime to spare, he's using you as his meal ticket until his personal piggy bank cuts off his supply. Avoid this lamo and his endless excuses of a "non existent" cash flow.


Mr. Good and Taken - he has a girlfriend already, or even a wife



Oh yes, he's leaving her, next month in fact. He can't right now because it would be too painful for the kids to bear. He just needs to set some money aside and get things in order. He can't stand how horrible she is to him, but it wouldn't be right just yet to ask for a divorce because the family dog just died and everything. This guy is a piece of work by having his cake, eating it too, and even going after seconds! He'll be honest with you about being involved at the moment, but you're the best thing that could have happened to him, and he doesn't want to let you go. Maybe if you wait it out another two years, the bitch will be out of the picture for good. Don't make any bets on this one. A guy who's already in a committed relationship rarely leaves the life he had before you came along, you're just the hot piece he can run to when things get a little rocky with the Mrs. Once the words "I have a girlfriend and/or wife" leaves his lips, you should be high tailing it out of there and shacking up with a guy free from any serious ties.


Mr. Hot and Cold - seriously interested one day, pulling away the next



Finally, a guy that is true to his word when he shows up like he said he will. Finally, a guy that lives by the motto of treating his woman like the queen that she is. But tomorrow, he's pushing you for some space of his own. He's all of a sudden feeling that things are moving way too fast with you. What brings on these radical mood swings? A number of sources ; a bad day at work, pressure from his buddies, astrological disalignment, the possibilities are endless! We can all have our bad days and feel a little blue once in a while, but this guys flops around his desires for you like an indecisive kid at a candy shop.


Mr. QuickDraw - already planning your wedding before a longer courtship



Women are known to see a happy future far quicker than their guy is, it's just who we are. But there's a small breed of guys roaming the planet with names for the children you could be having with him after only knowing each other for a couple weeks. Yes, we want to feel like our man sees us as his wife to be someday down the line, but doesn't that kind of talk freak you out before having the chance to order dessert on date two with this guy? I'd be questioning the motives as to why he's trying so hard to settle down so fast.


Mr. Rebel - gets his thrills by bad and even illegal behavior



Bad boys get all the ladies, it's a given. We're drawn to his passiveness for common decency because he just makes it look so good, and usually because he's just damn good looking! So what if that pretty piece of jewelry he gave you was through a five finger discount? Who cares that he uses the freeway like his own nascar raceway when you're riding along? Does it really make a difference that he swears like a sailor and mocks you in front of complete strangers? This twerp will knock your socks off with his scandalous ways, but once your money mysteriously winds up missing from your purse, or he insists that blazing up a daily joint totally rocks more than being with you, his pizazz will be a distant memory when you kick his shameful butt to the curb. This one may never grow up.

2008-Jul-1 - Should You Be In An Open Relationship?

2008-Jul-1 - Should You Get Married?

Meet the Family and Friends

Talk to those who are or have been Married

Your Mom is so annoying!...

2008-Jul-1 - Should You Date A Single Parent?

2008-Jul-1 - Should You Forgive A Cheater?